The Ugly Truth

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I know that i'm not perfect, i did a lot of mistake and sometimes even i can't forgive myself.. Everything got mixed up, when i was with this person..totally mixed up..i don't know why, because sometimes i just go with the flow, then when the time came i realized that i may gone too far..i can't be like that, so i decided to hurt this person emotion and make the person suffer deep down inside..i didn't mean to hurt anybody but i think everyday what i did to this person, sometimes it seems that i'm the one who always create the mess..yes, it's true..i'm the one who created the whole mess in this person life, i tried to tell this person that we need to be careful no matter what we did because i don't really want at the end of our lives we will cry and cry with full regrets.. i try and always try but i don't really know why this person still does not want to understand what i really want, it is too hard to understand?? then i think again, it is better to hurt this person now before the person realized that i'm the one who drag both of us to the dark side of life..Besides, i think, i know that i'm a sinner, i need to try balance my world life and my after life..yes, it is no easy as i am a normal human being who always being distract and disturb by the one and only Syaitan.. but i don't want to give up everything just for the pleasure and entertainment in this world, because the after life will be forever..yes, i may hurt the person heart and feeling in this world but deep down inside i can feel relief as i'm not the one who will drag and throw the person to the dark side.. yes, the truth is ugly and can hurt a person so badly and deeply yet, it may help to prevent certain things which we may regret later.. always think before we act and think of the consequences which we may get, maybe not in this world but the world after life.. i may not the best person to give advises like alim ulama because there are a lot of things that i must fix before telling people what to do but this message for people to ponder and make your own decision before doing something which is wrong..this is also a reminder for me to fight against my bad desire and turn it to the good desire which may lead me to the right path at the end of the day..